Lost and Found

So... It has been awhile, eh?

Sorry about that.

Quick update, Lost and Found style:

-Lost: my innie belly button
-Found: An extreme appetite for bacon, fruit, cheeseburgers, and lemonade.

-Lost: Jiffy Mix
-Found: a recipe for blueberry muffins using bisquick :)
http://www.allrecipes.com search for bisquick blueberry muffins!

-Lost: Lots and lots of Brain cells due to what they call "Placenta Brain"
-Found: an old MasterMind game at a garage sale, which makes me feel smart again when I stump my hubby :)


That's all for now.. I want to get these muffins in the oven before my nephews wake up! :) Playing Auntie DayCare today. woohoo!

Man do I struggle with yearning and longing for Him lately! I don't quite understand how this happens, but it DOES. I have prayed in the past, and this was also prayed over me when I was baptized, that outside of His presence I would be miserable.
Praise the Lord because it is SO true. When I do not purposefully enter into time with Him, and have constant communion with Him throughout the day, I am a MESS. The "funny" thing is, when this is happening, I never seem to realize it as being the reason I'm feeling so down!
Take yesterday for example:
I got up kind of late, took Brian his lunch, drove around aimlessly for awhile (with hopes of finding some random ice cream shop along the way--which I did, but it was :( clooosed!) Then I just came home feeling very down as I hadn't even showered yet, it was raining and I just plain didn't have any drive in me to do anything. So.. I sat on my butt and surfed the web for awhile. A long while. Bored and sad, I started to think maybe my hormones were to blame for my sluggishness and not caring about anything type of mood. I was miserable. DUH. Helloo?!? Anybody home? Of course you're miserable- you ASKED to be miserable outside of Him.. duurrrr da duurrrr!
At this point I realized it was 5:15, and my lovely sister in law was coming over between 5:30-5:45 for a haircut. SO I hurried and got a shower, and cut her hair. She paid me with a new toaster since mine got infested with ants and I threw it away earlier this week. :) Then I made some dinner for me and the hubbsy. The rest of the evening I made it a point to immerse myself in prayer as we went about our evening. WHAT a difference. Sheesh. If you are going to pray this prayer of being miserable outside of his presence.. mean what you say, and realize when you are miserable that this is most likely the reason why! It is meant to help keep your eyes focused on Him and to find joy in Him before anything else. I tried cheering myself up with the fact that there's a beautiful baby growing inside of me-- but without the joy of the Lord's presence, even the miracle of this little baby was not enough to be my joy. Granted, it made me smile, but that deep inner joy was not even stirred. The things you have to be thankful for- would not be there without Him. Plain and simple "ALL good things come from God." The joy that comes with them is included in that ;)

TODAY.. I woke up and made some muffins and lunch for my dear, sent him on his way, made some tea for me and baby snuggled up on the couch and spent some REAL time with the Lord. Ahhh.. what a difference! I would be so depressed without him in my daily life!
So..
I turned on some "Shane and Shane" on Pandora, and the song Yearn came on. I'll put it on the music player so you can hear it :)
The lyrics and scripture references that I found on shanebweb.com are here, as well.
PS- I promise I'll upload the pics.. It is on my list of things to do-- that list is large today since I was such a bummm yesterday! Sorry :P

yearn

by shane barnard

holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

This next passage is spoken through Paul in Athens while describing the one true God to the Athenians and some foreigners, as they had been serving what they called "an unknown God" as inscribed in the altar they had created; Acts 17:25-28:

"And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'"

Hebrews 12:28-29:
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe for our "God is a consuming fire.""
(vs. 29 is also referenced in Deuteronomy 4:24)

This post is dedicated to Ms. Macayla Marie Kellhofer, my lovely little niece whom is turning 5 for the second time today. (I told her that she must turn 5 three times before she's allowed to be 6 ;)
She is growing way too fast for my liking! But me oh my am I proud of her :)









Happy Birthday, goober :)

I know I promised pictures of the new place.. but I haven't gotten that far yet!
So.. here's the most recent "family" pic at the park down the road from where we live. Minus the goofy half-blinking look on my face, I really like how it turned out :)

spring...

(photo from Veer.com)

Revelation 21 (New International Version)

The New Jerusalem

¹Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ²I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

⁵He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

With Spring fresh on my mind, as I read this passage I couldn't help but think about not only the amazement of the second coming and how glorious that will be, but also how much it will feel like the most beautiful spring after the longest, coldest winter. Life now is full of death and pain. Many of us think that overall life isn't all that bad- as long as you have the basic needs of food, shelter, clothing and someone to love. But those we love can choose to betray us or let us down. Those we love can pass away. There is love in this world, and there is also hate and we hate to say goodbye to those we love. There's a reason for that. We all desire to never have to say goodbye, because it was never intended for us to be separated from those we love forever.
I cannot count the times I've heard the phrase, "Where was God?" Whether it be after the loss of a loved one, after a terrifying disaster like 9/11.. after the hurricanes and earthquakes that have devastated so many. Where was God? He was reaching out to people so that when disaster strikes, when death comes, life and LOVE stands on the other side with open arms. He was there in the darkness to comfort us and lead us to His light. He looked death square in the face on that cross and through his actions said there was no place for it anymore. Him rising again shows that DEATH could not hold him back. He is enough.


The next post will be full of new pictures..
The new apartment, the growing bump, and other spring things, so check back soon :)

I haven't posted for awhile. SO I suppose it is time to..
every time I think about posting something lately I just think I don't really have anything to post. But since I haven't tried just typing and seeing what happens, I guess that's what I'll do!

My belly has officially popped, and it is just a matter of time before my belly button joins in on the popping action.

Question! Do you think it is "unclassy" or "unprofessional" if you can see a pregnant lady's belly button poking out through her shirt? I mean.. I'm going to be extra large and extra pokey during the summer months, so wearing thicker clothes is out of the picture. I'm kind of wondering if they make.. like.. belly button pads to give it a smoother look? LOL the things I think about these days...

Other things on my mind...
I really like cutting hair, and have been doing so more often :) It's nice to be getting into it again. Now to just get my license back so I can be legit!
(My license expired after I came back from a year in Minnesota when I could not find my username and password needed to renew it.. and so now I have to retest 3 hours away from where I live.) :P Maybe after baby sometime? The test is LONG and there is only one restroom break.. sooo it will HAVE to be after baby!

In 9 days we will be hearing the heartbeat for the first time :) We have seen it beating on the ultrasound, but we have not actually HEARD it. So that will be fun. THEN our next appointment will reveal the biggest mystery of all :) Girl or Boy?! This will be fun also!
I find it kind of humorous that when people ask me if we are going to "find out" and I tell them we are.. they say, "You don't want it to be a surprise?"
I think it's going to be a surprise whether we find out now or later- I'll be surprised. It's almost like saying if you find out ahead of time, it's like choosing the sex and taking the surprise out of it.. buuut it is definitely going to be surprising either way :)
Just another thing I think about.. haha.

I've always said that I would not learn to knit until I was pregnant. I think it was because it was a good excuse to not have to learn any more crafts that my mom and sisters loved to do so much! So then, being pregnant.. I had no excuse anymore. Then my dear, wise mother reminded me that knitting takes a looong time to actually make anything, let alone a blanket and can be frustrating if you want real results without spending hours at a time on it. I was also kindly reminded that I barely have the patience to put together a puzzle that has more than 100 pieces. She was right. So she taught be to crochet instead. I really like it.. for a little while anyway. It usually lasts for a good half hour, so I'd say I like it more than most crafts.
Then again, I often think it will end up being our baby's first birthday present ;)

Major FIND for any and ALL expectant parents on a BUDGET and possibly overwhelmed with trying to create the nursery they'd love to have for their little bundle of joy to come home to.. without spending a fortune. I thought I had some good ideas to save money.. second hand things refurbished, painting things, being artsy or trying to be :) Buuuut upon looking at TONS of pictures I became very sad because I knew what I wanted for our little one's room, but there was NO way we could afford the price tags. I imagined all kinds of mismatched pieces thrown together that we just hoped would work.. and then realized it didn't in the end. I also imagined registering for the cribset and matching decor from the baby superstore that we liked more than the others, and all of our friends and family getting together to buy those types of things for us, leaving the many smaller items on the registry for us to buy. Not that I don't expect to buy SOME things on our own- I know we will! But the little things add up very very quickly.
SO what if we were to save money on the decor by designing and putting the major nursery items together on our own, and leave the registry open for things like the carseat, pacifiers, and wipes?
BUT HOW?
I give you the greatest online find I've had in a long, long time.

Creative Baby Nursery Rooms

and a link I found on the previous site is here:

Cheap Baby Nursery Decorating Ideas

The first link is a website FULL of amazing nurseries that people designed and put together themselves that are INCREDIBLE. I like them more than the ones I see set up at the baby superstores! Seriously a m a z i n g.
And: LOW COST.. which brings me to the second link!
This one is an Ebook that I downloaded for $6.95 that has 60 or more ideas on how to save money and still have an awesome nursery. These are really GREAT ideas, and I also received 2 other Ebooks. One was a Baby Nursery Safety Checklist to go through to make sure the nursery is baby ready in every way. The second was additional creative ideas for the nursery.
Very cool, highly recommended, and worth every last penny.

Bekah Joy Brooks..

OR

Jaden Patrick Brooks..

What does everyone think?? Girl or boy?

It is hard to see, but the words in between the pictures are scriptures :)

Jeremiah 1:4-5

"The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

before you were born, I set you apart;

I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Psalm 139:13-15

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely readers!! :)

Brian and I celebrated the day of love by enjoying dessert at one of our favourite italian restaurants last night. We haven't been there for a couple years, and we enjoyed talking about all the Lord has done in our lives and in our relationship from that time to now. It was sweet. We also enjoyed a hot caramel apple impanada with ice cream and a non-alcoholic pina colada :) YUM!

Today was difficult, as I was really missing my sister. I paid a visit to her gravesite after church. The snow was about a foot high and my bare feet nestled inside my little brown flats decided it was a better idea to simply throw a snowball at her instead of walking through the snow. I'm sure when my time comes, I will be greeted with a giant snowball.. but at least then frostbite will be a thing of the past :)

Today we were blessed as we visited with her 2 little girls that are growing up so quickly, and my brother-inlaw and his wife, Mindy. The ladies all got haircuts and I received a glorious back massage from my "almost" 11 year old neice, Jessica. These ones have a large CHUNK of my heart.

Tomorrow we have another BABY APPOINTMENT!

Ultrasound update soon! :)

The Lord has been teaching me a very important, and tough to swallow lesson this morning. I had a few dreams last night that I was glad to wake up from but was disturbed and annoyed and honestly frustrated by. So as I began to process them with the help of the Lord, I was much less annoyed and frustrated and much more understanding and open.
Basically, the dreams I had were of things or people that I truly miss from my past being placed suddenly into my here and now.. as if they were never gone. I was excited to re-invite these things/people into my life, but it quickly became very chaotic. In many cases, it was completely messing things up for the worst in the present. I guess through it all, I'm just learning that there's a reason for all of these memories- good and bad, and there is a reason why some are left in the past (even the good ones!) I've always desired good memories to be back in my life, but if I truly received that desire, the plans the Lord has for us RIGHT NOW would be put in complete chaos.
Again, I am learning that living in the present day is the only way to live. Remembering the past and dreaming of the future, but not allowing either of them to take away from the here and now. Because the here and now, my present day adventures, are my steps into the future dreams and the memories of tomorrow.

Some quotes:

"When your memories become greater than your dreams, you know you've begun to die."
-Anonymous

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marcel Pagnol

"When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened."
-John M. Richardson Jr.

"If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future."
-Winston Churchill

"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the moment of time over which you have any control: now."
Denis Waitley

Pregnancy brings so much change. A baby brings so much change.. but even before this child takes their first breath, my life is changing all around me.

Today I want to share some little, somewhat humorous things that I've noticed changing.

• Almost everyone I come in contact with no longer asks me "how are you?" but they add one little word to the end.. feeling. How are you feeling, [insert pet name that for the most part I wasn't called by them before such as sweetie, darling, honey, etc]?
  So.. when you become pregnant, you are suddenly endeared by all with these terms of endearment. I like men, because unless they are family, they do not ask about how I am feeling.. and they only call me Marsha.. it makes me feel like a "normal" person again :) Strangely enough, the first few weeks of being asked this question were fun.. as it reminded me that I was carrying a life and not a parasite that sucks up any nutrients I manage to get passed my super-smeller of a nose and passed my mouth which refused anything that wasn't dry and salty. So glad that is over :) Hello 2nd trimester! well.. 5 more days, and I'll be there ;)
  
• Brian and I went to the chiropractor today. In my normal appointment, which is every 2 weeks.. He adjusts my neck and spine and if anything random is bothering me, he'll fix that too.. like my jaw today :( He had to use "the puncher." It is this tiny little device that when he presses the button, feels like a tiny person came up and punched me in the face with their fist that packs the punch of a not so tiny person. Anyway.. now they are monitoring my weight and blood pressure.. totally throws me off. haha.
• After the chiropractor, we went to the library. After checking for a learn to knit class.. I went to find a prenatal workout video. Here's what I came home with..
• 

• Mashed potatoes are a thing of the past. Do not even show me a picture of them :(
  
• I liked oreos before, but it seems I have grown an emotional attachment to them now.. as I cry if we run out when they seem as important as air and prenatal vitamins.
  
• I have the appetite of a 14 year old boy.. minus their craving for lots of meat and mashed potatoes.. (not to the point of overeating for those of you concerned for my after-baby body.. lol)
• I'm drinking milk daily.. and liking it.
  
• Upon requesting to go fishing with my dad in PA this summer.. he refused and said I would be, "big and fat by then.." Very true.. he would have to do all the reeling in of anything I stare at forEVER. That would be NO fun. Nor would be a 2 hour drive to the hospital if I went into labor.
  
• I have nightmares of going to places like Cedar Point over the summer and walking around huge and sweaty and miserable as everyone else goes on all the rollercoasters. Of course there are no lines in my dream either, so they get to ride them all in one day while I sit on the sidelines and eat container after container of dip-n-dots trying to keep cool. I guess the dip-n-dots thing isn't so bad ;)
  
• Every once in awhile now, I'll feel a little twirl in my belly as our little sweetie does somersaults.. and it is *bliss* At least someone gets to flip around and upside down this summer while I sit and eat my dip-n-dots...
  
• Almost every night, around 11 or 11:30, whatever emotion I happen to be feeling at that time, be it even the slightest of sadness, or one joyful thing.. or pretty much anything I'm thinking about in that moment becomes escalated 100 times and I cry uncontrollably. Without fail, it ends in laughter as I laugh at how ridiculous it is that I am crying about _______. Brian has learned to laugh too, but not too much or I feel like he's laughing at me, and I lose it again.. just to start laughing at myself again for crying over such a silly thing.
  

• The following shows have brought me to tears in the last month: the morning news, curious george, a baby story (from the theme song until the show was over..), what not to wear, home improvement,.. and I know there are more, but I can't seem to remember them due to a little "friend" I like to call PreggoBrain. She causes the following moments:

~The strap on the laptop charger fell one day and was dangling on the couch. I jumped, and thought without looking over, "Oh, it's just the silly kitty." [We do not have a cat]
~Upon losing my phone for the ump-teenth time, Brian called it with his phone and we followed the noise.. to the top rack of the dishwasher?! I still do not know how it ended up there. Good thing I didn't run it yet!
~I put our rental payment in the OUTGOING US MAIL slot instead of the RENTAL PAYMENTS slot in our apartment building.. after the post office was closed. I ended up writing another check and putting it in the RIGHT slot and waiting for the mailman the following morning to retrieve it for me. He laughed at me before assuring me that I was not the first one to have done this.
~My parent's huge german shepherd tried to go in the front door of the house full of dirt and snow, so I made him stay outside. By the time I walked to the back room of the house, he was sitting on the deck. I asked how on earth he got there in all honest confusion before realizing that he simply walked outside to the back of the house..
During week 10 of pregnancy (last week) the baby begins to grow hair. I'm convinced he or she is taking after both mommy and daddy and growing some nice BLONDE roots..

March and the Mysterious Fish with LEGS?!

March could not come soon enough!!! WOooooo!
Why, you may ask?
Well, I'll tell you :) But first, if you are a regular reader and are my friend on facebook, poke me :) I'd love to know who my readers are! If you aren't my friend on facebook, just leave a comment and let me know a little about you :) Thanks!
Ok soooo why March? WELL...

1. M is for My NEW YEAR! The beginning of my spiritual new year, that is.. might sound crazy, but it doesn't feel like a "new year" to me until this frozen tundra has reached the beginning of the end.. and begins to thaw. The sun comes to visit more often, and though it is still cold, there isn't much longer before those buds begin to show and the birds wake me up with their beautiful singing and I take ALOT more walks! Which will be good for the baby :) Since 2008, every March I make it a point to have some time with the Lord and ask Him to completely blow me away this year! That it would be more amazing than any year before that and that I would have great expectations. He hasn't let me down yet! 2008-2009.. I graduated from the Honor Academy.. and eventually got back together with Brian after moving back home. Then from March 2009-next month.. I moved, quit my J-O-B, got engaged, married, and pregnant, (whoa!) and took up Mary Kay as a true business approach instead of just piddling around with it. WOW What a year! Every year I think to myself, "Ok, Lord.. how are you going to top that one?! And.. can I take much more than that?? I'm going to need some serious help!" It's a little scary asking for more this coming year. But why limit Him? I know He's enjoying this more than I am, and that He will pour out His best for our lives again and again.. but really! This is getting intense! I'm so excited to see what the coming year will bring :) And So incredibly thankful for the one that's coming to a close. He still has a little less than a month to show off with this year.. and I have a feeling He's either going to use it to blow me away some more this year, or to help me catch my breath before the next one starts! Wow, it amazes me when people think the life of a Christian is a boring one. Maybe there are some bored Christians out there.. but like anything and anyone else, your life is what you make of it! If you're bored, it's your own fault. Do what makes your palms sweat just thinking about, or your heart race just trying to fathom the possibility of such a dream becoming reality...becoming a memory to be cherished. There's no reason or excuse for anyone to not have the desires of their heart, when those desires are from the Lord. Each and every one has to be tested first, but it is so worth it!
   
2. A is for AWESOME NEW APARTMENT! We get to start moving OUT of this apartment, and into the home where we will welcome our little one to in just 5-ish months after that! Speaking of this new home! What a gift from GOD! The place I've been in since MARCH of last year, and that Brian has been in since we got married in AUGUST came with such wonderful welcomings and a beautiful view of the lake from our much enjoyed balcony and sliding glass doors from our 5th floor. Then winter came. The strong winds coming off of the lake that were in the summertime this nice summer lake-breeze became this bitter, hair ruining, instant chapped skin, eye-drying-have-ta-squint-but-where's-the-car Freezing GUST that was absolutely ridiculous. Good thing we paid $20 for the garage parking :) All the other cars looked the same with their tops covered in a white icy mess. A yelling, cussing, not so friendly neighbor lived above our apartment since the week before the wedding. I'm not sure if he's cooled it a little or if we're just getting used to it.. but either way, we look forward to hearing the pitterpatter above us of the little kids upstairs at the new place than this yelling, cussing, scary man. We've been praying for him, as we believe it may be spiritual warfare from what we hear him say, and from what the police have told us about him and his apartment. Please also pray for him. Although it's caused some sleepless nights, we feel blessed that it was us and no one else. We are blessed that we've had the opportunity to lift him up. It was not easy to do, but I believe our prayers have moved mountains in his life. Or at least they will one day :) SOOO I got Way off track, but here's the rest about the new place! It is owned by friends of Brian's parents from church, and the rent is only about $30 more than what we're paying now (which if we stayed here, our rent would go up, so really it is LESS than what we would be paying here if we were to stay) AND we do not have to pay for the gas heat, water, sewer, or trash pick up.. the only utilities we have to pay is electric, which overall, we can control how much we use :) WOOHOO! Most other places are alot more for rent AND you have to pay utilities. Especially for two bedrooms!
3. R is for... Rainbows of COLOR! We can start PAINTING! Yes! We are allowed to paint this new place so no more WHITE walls! :) We just have to paint them back when we move out. Can someone say, "Cutesy NURSERY!??" YEssss!!!
4. C is for CLOSER to W A R M weather :) I know I already mentioned this in the first section, but I figured it was worth mentioning TWICE!
   
5. H is for Hard, but happy Celebrations! Toward the end of the month, I'll be celebrating the lives of: my sister and her son, whom I'll be 5 years closer to seeing again, and celebrating the birthdays of the my almost 6 and 11 year old nieces and my almost 3 year old nephew :)

March is coming! Which means SO IS St. Patrick's day! GREEN! My fave color :) And Brian and I are both part Irish.. though we only kiss *each other* and don't drink.. we'll wear our green and freckles and maybe go out to eat :) Do you have anything you're looking forward to for March? Or even for 2010? I love comments :)
Well, dedicated to Fishermen everywhere, here's the end of this post, written in Green for you Irish folk ;)

My awesome dad (he really is an incredible man and I look up to him so much!) was fishing in Pennsylvania this afternoon and caught a catfish/eel looking fish with fringy EXTERNAL gills and FOUR LEGS!!! He threw it back, but after 45 minutes of searching the internet, I finally found a match. I give you, the WaterDog Fish:


Pretty creepy, eh? Catfish head, eel body, and four legs.. ick! .. but kinda cool at the same time..
Has anyone else ever seen or caught one of these before? It's a first time for me. They must be kind of rare since it was so hard to find online!
thanks to aqualandpetsplus.com and caudata.org for these photos! Oh, and google image search ;)
OK, ok.. you know I couldn't just end this post with a creepy looking fish thing..
so here's a pic of me and my daddy on my wedding day :) Right by the lake we've gone fishing in since I was a little girl! Love ya, Dad :)

Healing Tears of Joy

As I take my seat on our living room couch of this 5th floor apartment, enjoying every bite of my early-morning snack.. I look across to the two framed photos on our television stand. Tears of joy run down my face as the Lord's faithfulness and love is shown to me.

I have had my share of fears.. fearing Brian and I would not get back together after our year apart at the Honor Academy. I have feared for years that I would never be able to fulfill the desire in my heart to be a mother. Sure, there's always adoption, which I also have a burden and a desire in my heart to be a part of.. but I wanted to be able to bring forth LIFE through pregnancy.
As a child, there were many things I claimed I wanted to be when I grew up and it changed more than my mom changed the living room around. (She did that a LOT!)
I also changed my mind about what activities I wanted to be involved in. Thankfully my mom didn't let me try them ALL, and the ones I did try, I couldn't quit. So I was a girl scout until they made me a volunteer instead of a scout, and I was in baton until the new leaders went crazy.
One thing that still has not changed from when I was still in diapers until now, is my desire to be the kind of mom I saw so many of my friend's moms being, and to make sure I was not the kind of mom I saw so many of my friend's being hurt by, and I'm not just talking about physical abuse here. There were some very sad situations I wish I could have done more to help with.

So here I am "all grown up". I'm a wife, and soon I will also be a mother. These are things I have always dreamed about. These are things I've always wanted. They just always seemed so distant. It is incredibly mind-boggling to be living in the present something you've always imagined to be far off in the future. This is my RIGHT NOW. These dreams that I thought were such nice thoughts I also feared would never happen. I feared it so much, I began to believe it. Well Satan, get behind me, because my God is FAITHFUL and fear is not of the Lord, and neither is deceipt. I will continue to munch on my breakfast and allow these tears of joy to cleanse away all the fear and doubt I allowed into my heart for so many years. No more. Now my dreams and the desires of my heart will only be trusted in the hands of the faithful One. My Beloved.. my everything. My Jesus.

**Confessions of a pregnant newlywed..

I've been married for 5 months and have not sent my thank you's. My home is as much of a wreck as my emotions.

I don't cook dinner because I can't stand to look at most meats and potatoes gross me out.

My husband and I are struggling financially.

I am trying to build a business from the ground up instead of getting a 9-5 job.

My relationship with the Lord has been difficult. I stay committed- I would never leave completely, but I have not been spending the time to just BE with Him the way He longs for me to. The way I used to LONG to. It takes much more discipline in this season, but is always worth it.

Life, as of now.. is very very MESSY.

BUT...

The Lord my GOD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in LOVE.

This fact is repeated in at least 10 different places in the Bible.. Must be important that we know this about our God!! (Exodus 34:6, 2 Chronicles 30:9, Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 86:15, Psalm 103:8, Psalm 111:4, Psalm 112:4, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13, Jonah 4:2 are the ones that showed up on biblegateway.com)

If we are made in the likeness of Christ, and if we long to be more like Him, and reflect His character.. this part of His character would be a good place to start!

Anytime I've heard this verse referenced, I've always thought of adapting it to how I treat other people. Which is definitely a part of it, but more recently the Lord has shown me that these are ways I need to treat myself. HE is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in LOVE.. the kind of love found in 1 Corinthians 13- you know "love is patient, love is kind.."

If HE is this way toward ME.. if HE is patient with me... what right do I have to be impatient with myself when I don't measure up to my own expectations? None. None whatsoever. Nor do I have the right to be any other way toward my husband, or toward any other human being. No matter what. I have no stone to cast. (John 8:1-11)

New Year, New Font! Mostly because "Trebuchet" sounds so fancy. I imagine Julia Child saying it so gracefully. And no, I'm not going to blog about her or cook my way through her cookbook- though that did make one mostly good movie :)

I'm here to update you on the newest memories.


Our first Christmas as a married couple!

Early in the week, I had a meltdown as I looked at our undecorated Christmas tree and realized that we had plans every night up to Christmas day and were not going to have time to decorate it together and watch Charlie Brown Christmas and drink hot cocoa. I cried. No, I wept. It was mostly ridiculous and unneccessary but at the time was so important and I was so genuinely upset. My wonderful husband reassured me that if anything, we can do all of that Christmas morning. We didn't really have any other plans for the morning, anyway. A couple more sniffles and I was fine again. Gotta love a patient hubby! :)


There were fun family gatherings and a couple with friends as well. And then: Christmas day. I wake up to Brian excitedly waking me up at 6 AM saying, "It's Christmas! Time to get up!!"

Apparently things were done a little differently at his house growing up.

When I was little, my sisters and I would get up in the wee hours of morning and SIT at the top of the stairs. My parents had a sheet that they would hang from the top of the staircase so that we could not see into the living room where the tree and presents were. And we knew that we could not go past that sheet until they told us we could. So we would sit there for hours every year. Once we got a little older, we realized we couldn't go downstairs until later anyway, and started to enjoy the couple extra hours of sleep as my parents did.

So, as Brian is waking me up and trying to convince me that getting up is a good idea, I'm trying to come up with something to get a couple more hours of sleep.

And then, somehow at 6 AM my brain worked and so did my mouth and I said, "I have an idea, honey! Why don't you go watch A Christmas Story, and wake me up when it's over."

And just like that, I went back to dreamland and my anxious husband was joyfully sitting on the couch watching the "classic" I had previously confessed to not liking that much as he informed me that it was the movie he just had to watch at least once every year. I had been trying to figure out a good time for him to watch it when I would be conveniently busy with something else. Success.. and it was only 6 in the morning :)


He must've enjoyed it twice, because I woke up around 10. It's probably the last year I will be able to sleep in on Christmas morning for many, many years with the little one on the way! So I'm glad I did :)

Then, we decorated the tree and watched a Charlie Brown Christmas and drank hot cocoa :) We finished wrapping the gifts, and hurried over to Anji's. (my wonderful Sister-in-law :) It was very strange as Brian's parents had come down with the flu early in the morning and were not able to come. So we waited and had "Christmas" again on Sunday. After Anji's we drove out to my parent's house and stayed for the weekend. It was a really nice, and was little Jakob's first Christmas. It was also a little different on my side, as there were some family members missing as well.
Every year it is difficult to feel like you still have another gift to buy, another plate to set on the table. This was the 5th Christmas without my sister. Along with her unborn baby, she went to be with Jesus in March of 2005, and life has been so different without her. Her husband, his wife Mindy, and my nieces had gone to visit some other family, and were also not able to be there. We did get to celebrate with them at another time, though. :) I miss my sister, dearly, but I know her Christmas must have been incredible as she was with HIM for every moment!


Our 1st Doctor's appointment for the bun in the oven!
We found out that we're actually only about 6 weeks along! We are very excited, and are looking forward to the next appointment on January 19th. We've decided to stay with this doctor, and deliver at the new hospital in the area. Oh, and our due date is probably going to be very close to our 1st Anniversary! I'm hoping it'll be the week before or the week after, though ;)
My posts are most likely going to be less often than they've been in the past, because morning sickness comes to visit, and comes to visit often.
I've been sick almost 24/7 since Thursday. At first it was just for a couple hours in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon.. but the last few days it has been an all day thing :/
Today, however I'm feeling SO much better.. at least so far! Thus why I am here.. updating the blog. I'm still really sore, and I'm not ready to eat pizza yet (though I crave it!) but I'm nowhere near as nauseous as I have been :)



I leave you with this:

our first tree topper :)
It was going to be a star, then a heart, then a cross, but apparently it takes alot of patience to make any of those things with curling ribbon and plastic ornaments. So, we plopped the strung ornaments on top of the tree, tied a piece of garland to it, and VOILA.
..Maybe we'll invest in a better one next year ;)